Duct Tape + Glue Gun = Red Neck Martha Stewart

Judy and Ollie (with Judy's handy dandy pink tool bag next to her)

I know it seems impossible to think of the term “Red Neck” and the name Martha Stewart in the same sentence… you would have to meet my sister-in-law Judy to know that it actually can make perfect sense. 

Emmett and I were married for four and half years when we moved from Plymouth, MA to Montgomery, AL.  One of the benefits of moving down south, other than the more temperate weather, was that we would be closer to the rest of Emmett’s family too.  It was almost a miracle when we managed to buy a house with a backyard that backed right up to my brother-and-sister-in-law’s backyard.  What were the chances?  How convenient was this?  I would definitely get to know Tom and Judy a lot better; that was for sure.  I was particularly interested in getting to know Judy as I had left most of my girlfriends and my sisters behind in Massachusetts and was in dire need of girly time.

I had heard all about Judy (or Judy Love as everyone loved to refer to her) since meeting Emmett.  I had heard how handy she was.  I had heard that she could fix anything with duct tape and a glue gun… a red neck Martha Stewart if you will. Everyone in the family deeply respected Judy’s ability to make something from nothing.

 Judy and I met briefly during my wedding week but hardly got to know each other as I was otherwise diverted  (and on Xanax to prevent the dreaded bridezilla from rearing her ugly head) and she was drinking red wine (which I have since learned is what often gets her creative juices flowing).  I liked her and found her interesting but didn’t get to see her in action… until I moved to Alabama.

I first got a sense of what people were talking about when we were unpacking (have I ever said how much I hate unpacking?).  The morning after the moving van dropped off all of our belongings, Judy came over to help.  She propped a ladder up on the fence between our two yards and hopped over.  I had no idea where to start, as it was completely overwhelming, however, Judy knew just where to start: “The kitchen girl!  You gotta eat.”  Judy has a way of referring to any woman she likes as “girl.” It’s very endearing.  Within a few hours my kitchen was completely organized and I was operational.  She worked harder setting up my kitchen than either Emmett or I did. She was a virtual whirling dervish.

Emmett and I often go to Tom and Judy’s and inevitably she has a project going.  Recently, she was cracking pecans she had gathered from her back yard.  I asked what she was doing with the pecans and she told me that she was candying them to put into a little decorative jar to give to someone for a Dirty Santa gift (what Northerners refer to as a Yankee Swap – guess they don’t like the word Yankee down here).  She made her gift rather than buying it.  She spent an afternoon cracking pecans and roasting them, in order to make a special, one-of-a-kind gift, rather than just go to Walmart and buy a $15 doodad that would be run-of-the-mill. 

A few days before Christmas, Judy asked me if she could use some of my wax paper for a project.  I had no idea what she was doing but found out sure enough on Christmas morning when Emmett opened up his gift from her. She had traced a photo of Emmett’s father (he passed away when Emmett was 16) and made beautiful portrait.  Everyone was oohing and aahing over the present – the boys and their mom were tearing up.  It was really special.  I noticed that Judy was retrieving the cloth that the portrait had come wrapped in.  She held it up to me proudly for display “it’s one of my chair covers,” she announced.  She had taken a dining room chair cover, wrapped the portrait carefully in it and tied a few Christmas tree balls for flourish.  How clever!  No one would have ever known if she hadn’t point it out.  When I commended her for her ingenuity, she just laughed and proudly pointed out that when she ran out of wrapping paper and tape, she used butcher paper and staples to wrap the rest of the gifts.  She definitely is not someone who has been consumed with keeping up with the Jones’.

Getting to know Judy, I have come to learn that she is able to make something from seemingly nothing; how she has no shame in recycling items around her house to make gifts (and in fact takes pride in it); how she seems to be able to fix anything (she carries a mini tape measure in her purse) and will go to great lengths, and some pain (she drove a screw driver through her finger fixing a frame for me) in order to “get the job done.” The term “jury rig” should really be “Judy rig.”  The answer lies in her background.  Judy was raised in an orphanage in northern Alabama.  She literally had nothing unless she created it for herself. 

They say that necessity is the mother of invention and I believe that Judy is living proof of that.  If there was an outfit she wanted, she couldn’t buy it, so she would figure out a way to make it.  She knew to never throw anything of any possible value out because she would inevitably need it later.  Her husband sometimes questions why she saves scraps of cloth, mismatched beads, half melted candles or a broken coffee pot but inevitably he comes to realize that her savvy hoarding and willingness to learn new skills has saved them money.  As proof, he hasn’t had a professional hair cut in eight years as Judy can do the job just fine.

Knowing Judy has been a great learning experience (and pleasure).  She has a PhD in street smarts with a minor in ingenuity and is happy to share her knowledge.  As a result, I have become more conscious of what I am throwing away and what I am keeping.  It turns out that the Dollar Store is a virtual treasure trove for cleaning supplies and small hardware items.  I am learning how to save money by not spending it thoughtlessly.  I look forward to my future lessons and hope to someday show the professor something new myself.

When I first came to really know Judy, I referred to her as a Red Neck Martha Stewart.  Most women I know would have been insulted to have the word red neck used in reference to them; however, Judy just laughed gleefully and said “you got that right girl!”  In my opinion, there ought to be a lot more of this variety.  It could only make the world a better place.

Portrait of James (Sonny) Moore done by Judy for Emmett and presented to him on Christmas 2011