Who Are You For?

In Montgomery people will often decide whether or not you are socially acceptable to hang out with based on the answer to one question.   The first question many locals will ask is not “what is your family name,” nor is it “what do you do”; it is “who are you for?”   Alabama is ALL about college football, specifically the University of Alabama (Roll Tide!) or Auburn University (War Eagle!) teams.  People will literally, and I do mean literally, decide if they want to be your friend based on which team you are “for.”  I’ve even heard of instances where someone will turn around and walk away without another word if the wrong team name is uttered during introductions.  I guess even southern hospitality has its limits.

It is commonplace to see cars with all sorts of bumper stickers, tags and flags (often all on one car) declaring everlasting love for one of the local college teams.   People will actually choose the color of their car based on their college team colors (crimson for UA and orange for AU).  There seem to be an unusually high ratio of crimson and orange cars in Alabama.  Many houses sport flags and door mats declaring their team of choice.   I haven’t seen a crimson or orange house yet but am braced for it.

 On occasion, you will hear the term a “house divided” which refers to a household where the wife is “for” one team while the husband is “for” another.  There is a flag for that too!  People joke about the fact, that it is more contentious to be in a relationship of “a house divided” than it is to be of different political parties.  That’s how serious the locals take their college football. 

Boston sports fans are known for being some of the most supportive (if not fanatic), however, after observing the local sports fervor in Montgomery, I contend that Boston sports fans come in a close second.

Having lived in Massachusetts for most of my life (with a brief stint in NYC), I know all about sporting rivalries… Red Sox vs. Yankees, Patriots vs. Jets, Bruins vs. Rangers, etc.   However, all of those teams are separated by geography.  In the case of UA and AU, there is no such differentiation.  Both teams are in the state of Alabama.  

I still have not completely figured out how people decide who they are for but I suspect it comes down to who your family traditionally routed for and/or whether someone attended one of the schools.  It could be that people decide who they are “for” based on something completely random.  I submit my husband Emmett as a prime example.

Emmett, back when he was single and 18, decided he was for Alabama after he met a pretty girl at a party and she was a huge Alabama fan.  At the time, he had no idea about the rivalry of UA and AU.  He just wanted to date the girl; lucky for him he said “Alabama.”  Once he had declared who he was for, that was it; he never looked back.  He is now the biggest Alabama fan there is.  He would rather go to regular season Alabama game than the Super Bowl.  I think he actually shed a tear when they lost to LSU earlier this year and I’m pretty sure he shed tears of happiness when they won the BCS Championship last week. It’s like I said, completely random.

When asked, who am I for?  I respond “Alabama of course!  Roll Tide!”  It’s become a knee jerk reaction.  I am an Alabama fan by marriage/default; it is for the preservation of my marriage.  I am not 100% sure that Emmett could accept it if I decided to switch teams and declare my love for Auburn.  He’s not in the market for a "house divided” flag. 

As an aside: Kudos to both teams!  Alabama was the 2009 BCS Champions; Auburn was the 2010 BCS Champions and Alabama is the 2011 BCS Champions.  Three years running the BCS Champions have been state of Alabama teams.  That’s a lot to be proud of.

So, if you happen to visit us, and someone asks you who are you “for,” it may be just polite conversation, or it may be someone is determining whether or not you are worthy to befriend.

Separate checks please!

Often, a great meal with friends is spoiled because of the check splitting issue.  Many a time, in my younger years (and recently as well, as a matter of fact), I have gone to dinner with a bunch of friends (even though I probably could not really afford it) and ordered a salad and a soda while someone else ordered a filet mignon and a bottle of wine only to have the steak eater suggest an even split of the check.  When I have money, I’m not too worried about it.  Heck, if I hit the lottery, I’d just pick up the whole check every time.  However, normally it's just annoying because I’m put into the position of either seeming cheap (“I just ordered a salad and soda… “), or shutting up, paying up, and eating Ramen noodles until my next paycheck.  It has caused some moments of resentment and left a bad taste in my mouth.  In Montgomery, Alabama they have solved the problem of post-dinner check resentment.

Last night was my first night working at Roux (a wonderful, upscale Cajun style restaurant).  I was training.  I noticed that Mathew (my trainer) was entering orders by seat number on each check.  I assumed it was so that other people who were running the food might know who ordered what instead of auctioning off the plates.  It turns out that the real reason is that in Montgomery, Alabama, most diners prefer their own check.  At first I thought that it must be such a pain for the server to give everyone a separate check but then I realized that the guests expected separate checks and that separate checks are part of the service automatically offered by the restaurant.  No calculators needed.  No embarrassing admissions (Um, I only have $30…).  No reviewing the check and asking “who had the steak?”  And, no one is leaving feeling like they paid more than their fair share.  Genius!

A table of five young women came in and everyone ordered dinner and drinks.  Some of the women ordered a bit more extravagantly and some ordered a little more carefully.  At the end of the meal, Mathew printed out five checks and delivered them to each of the women.  There was no one pulling out calculators or explaining that they didn’t have the money to pay for food that wasn’t theirs.  There was not a cross face at the table.  Everyone left feeling satisfied that they paid for what they ordered and not a penny more or less.

Another table ordered appetizers and a bottle of wine to share. “Who to charge it to then” I wondered.   “Whoever orders,” Mathew explained.  It was that simple. Separate checks did not elicit an eye roll from him.  He did not act as if the guests were asking him to perform advanced math skills. It was a service he was happy to provide automatically.

I propose that we Northerners take another look at the way we dine out together.  Why enjoy a wonderful meal only to spoil it with someone feeling as though they were taken advantage of?  For what we all spend for meals out, dining should be an altogether stress-free and enjoyable experience. If restaurants are not automatically offering this service then request a separate check at the beginning of the meal and leave the bad taste behind.