Let me say right up front, that there are loads of reasons
to not like online gaming… the con list is a long one with the main culprit
being addiction. The addition can spiral
into: Lying about how much time the
gamer actually plays, upping gaming time, withdrawal from friendships,
work/social disruptions, spending huge amounts of money on online gaming
services, obsessing about increasing gaming stats, and, of course the physical
side effects (lack of general hygiene, carpal syndrome, migraines, sleep
disorders, back and neck disorders).
There are probably a 100 other reasons to dislike gaming but we’ll
ignore these for now.
Emmett has always enjoyed video games. He was a huge fan of Atari way back when and as
technology improved and online gaming was invented, his fascination only increased. When I met Emmett in 2005, I knew he had some
interest in gaming but his lifestyle was so busy that he rarely, if ever,
played in my presence. We got engaged in
2006 and shortly afterward he bought an X-Box and started playing Call of Duty
(a.k.a. COD). At first, I hated his gaming. I felt ignored by him -- anything I would tell
him while he was gaming was forgotten immediately. He would sometimes eat dinner and play at the
same time (which enraged me). He would sometimes
spend up to twelve hours playing online, which would get in the way of shared
activities. It was nearly a deal breaker
for me. How could I marry someone who I
felt was addicted to something which excluded me? I know, I’m not making a good case for gaming…
but wait… its coming.
Emmett was working at the Harbor Watch Inn as the General
Manager. It was a great job with loads
of socializing. The Inn was as about as
busy as you can imagine. After work, he
would go out with different employees and friends to wind down and relax. This meant that at least three nights a week
he was going to local bars such as Slap Happys, Port of Call and Shooters. He would stumble home around 3:00 a.m. (after
he had gone to Leo’s for an afterhours breakfast). I would be at home pacing and pissed. I was losing sleep worrying. On his days off, he was gaming. What time was there for me? No, really, the good reasons are coming…
Despite my concerns about the above mentioned issues, I
married Emmett. About four months into
our marriage, he switched jobs and began to work at Longhorn Steakhouse in
Boston. His commute increased from 15
minutes to an hour and a half each way and his new bosses were no-nonsense… he
was not permitted to socialize with guests or other employees. At the same time, I started to come to my
senses and get real about my thresholds.
I talked to Emmett about the fact that we were spending far too much
money on his social life and that I wasn’t comfortable with him going out as
often (especially to bars). He heard what
I had to say and agreed. He stopped
going out immediately. He began to
substitute bar hopping with online gaming.
I have to admit that at first he was a little bit obsessed
with his online gaming. He had met some good players online at COD and was
excited about becoming part of a clan (a group of gamers who form an alliance
in order to compete against other clans to up their gaming stats), and “prestiging”
(increasing your status online through experience and points earned
playing). He was excited about making
new friends who he felt had something in common with him. I was patient (as I could be) because, after
all, he had moved up to Massachusetts from Miami to be with me. How could I complain if he wanted to make
friends online? Plus, he was no longer
frequenting bars.
After a while, Emmett’s playing time decreased; the initial
obsession died down some. He still would
play but it wasn’t an everyday activity.
He had stopped going to bars.
Playing online, satisfied his socializing needs. The benefits to us were great: He wasn’t spending money; I knew where he was
at all times; I didn’t have to wonder when he would come home; I didn’t have to
worry that some chick at a hole-in-the wall bar was trying to come on to him; I
didn’t have to worry that he would drink too much and then attempt to drive
home; he enjoyed what he was doing and didn’t feel that he was giving anything
up. It was a healthier lifestyle for us.
It was a win-win situation.
If I do the cost analysis with online gaming versus in bar
hopping, it is also clear that the gaming is financially beneficial. See below:
Bar Hopping
Drink cost per outing = $40 x 3 outings per week = $120
+
Tip of $15 per outing x estimated 3 outings per week = $45
+
One afterhours breakfast at Leo’s per week = $15
Total cost per week = $180
Total cost per month
= $780.00
Total cost per year
= $9,360
The above does not include gas used driving to
establishments or factor in drinks bought for friends.
Online gaming
Purchase of X-Box (lasts about four years) = $400 ($100 per year, $8.33 per month, $1.92 per week)
+
Purchase of annual X-Box Gold membership = $60 ($5.00 per month, $1.15 per week)
+
Purchase of head set (which lasts about three years) = $150 ($50 per year, $4.16 per month, .96 cents per
week)
+
Case of beer per week = $20 ($1040
per year, $86.66 per month)
Total cost per week: ($1.92 + $1.15 +.96 + $20.00) = $24.03
Total cost per month:
($8.33+ $5.00 +$ 4.16 + $86.66) = $104.15
Total cost per year: ($100.00 + $60.00 + $50 + $1040) = $1,250
The above does not include electricity used to play games or
wear and tear on your best recliner.
I estimate that we save approximately $8,110 per year. That’s
quite a lot. It’s definitely enough to
make a girl happy. Ultimately, when I
factor in how much more time my husband is home and how much we save, I cannot
complain.
I’ve had a few friends comment on Emmett’s gaming. Generally, the consensus has been that they
personally would not put up with the gaming. It would be a deal breaker for
them. I respect their opinions, but I feel differently. In my mind, if this is the worst offense that
my husband commits (his worst habit) then I feel that I’m quite a lucky
lady. Many acquaintances of mine have
had partners who have done things I consider far worse (cheating, hitting,
gambling, etc.). In comparison, I feel
that gaming is fairly PG.
At Sodahead.com, a site that runs polls on a variety of
gaming issues, I found statistics which showed that 61% of people polled
thought that gaming could be positive for a relationship. Surprisingly, 66% of the 61% who responded
positively were women. Many people had
the same reasons I listed above and some others said that they too gamed. Gaming was a shared interest in their
relationship. I guess they had the “if
you can’t beat them join them,” philosophy.
My philosophy about gaming is that it is Emmett’s hobby and
unless it gets in the way of our lives (which it does not) then I’m glad he has
something that interests him so much. Do
I understand his fascination with gaming?
No. However, I learned a long
time ago, that I don’t have to. My
grandparents, who were married for 66 years, made it work.
My grandmother loved
to antique and my grandfather loved to watch professional wrestling on Saturday
afternoons. My grandmother would leave
my mild mannered grandfather alone in the den on Saturdays to watch his pro wrestling
while she did other things. We all knew
not to disturb grandpa in his den. If we
did, he could not be accountable for what we would hear (generally a string of
curse words that would make a sailor blush) aimed at the wrestlers on TV. As a trade-off for his solo Saturdays, my
grandfather would take my grandmother antiquing on Sundays. They respected each other’s hobbies and were
happy to compromise. Online gaming is to
Emmett as Saturday pro wrestling was for my grandpa.
When I list the pros and the cons for online gaming, the pro
side comes out longer. It has been a
process to get that list longer, but isn’t our relationship worth it?